![]() I’ve known many guys who are total tops not because they love topping, but because they find bottoming too painful and unpleasant. Additionally, some may have medical reasons that make anal sex impossible. So it’s no surprise to me that some men simply don’t like it at all. And often, after all the work, it’s still unenjoyable. There’s nothing more crushing than that feeling, after being horny all day, consuming a careful bottoming diet, planning a wild night, and realizing after an hour-long cleaning attempt that I’ll be spending the night watching Netflix.Īnal sex is hard. I can’t count how many nights, after unsuccessful douching, I’ve wished that I wanted something else or wished that this whole messy business was easier. I do focus on anal sex a lot, and I rarely talk about its frustrations. I’m probably guilty of spreading the idea that anal sex is the default way for men to connect sexually. To the sides of the world, I say welcome. They may be into mutual masturbation, oral sex, and various non-penetrative kinks, but topping and bottoming aren’t on the list. “ Sides” are queer men who enjoy sex but for various reasons do not enjoy anal sex. But there are whisperings of a fourth sex role for Queer men, or at least some Queer writers are trying to establish one. ![]() The prevailing gay doctrine says we are divided into three sex roles - top, bottom, and versatile.
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